Monday, March 22, 2010

Greetings and Salutations

Breaking Bad sucks. No, really. It sucks ass.

It seemed to me that where ever I would go, whichever forum, there would persist a constant chatter, a million tiny voices calling out as one to say one thing and one thing only: "BREAKING BAD IS TEH GRATEST SHOW EVAR!" Of course, I was curious.

With the awesome power of the internet, I soon found myself with the entirety of the first two seasons. I couldn't wait to begin, to finally join "The Church of Breaking Bad". With great anticipation, I loaded up VLC and kicked the party off.

As the minutes dragged on and on, I started to grow incredulous. Surely, thought I, something is coming. Something to break the monotonous drone of cliched storylines, stock characters, and wooden acting. The first episode finally crawled to the finish line, and I just sat there in stunned silence. I started rationalizing: many shows are saddled with a substandard pilot, perhaps it will get better. Let's try episode 2. And so I did. When that was a disappointment, I even tried episode 3. As you can probably guess, it too failed to pique even the dimmest spark of interest.

I began to ponder the vast incongruity: Am I so out of touch with reality? How can what is, at best, uninspired mediocrity ignite such passion in the faceless masses? As my investigation unfolded, it inevitably led to a single inescapable conclusion: it's not me it's them.

For too long, television has been defined by the irrelevant wasteland that is modern broadcast television. In a world where reality television is king, and a masterpiece such as The Wire is but a pauper, it only makes sense that Breaking Bad would be considered anything other than refuse. I can no longer tolerate such an outrage. In this blog, I endeavor to show the world their folly. I will sacrifice my own time, my own leisure, to document in detail Breaking Bad's every transgression.


I do this for you, my children. By eviscerating the sacred cow of modern television's rancid sewage, I hope to effect change in this world.

You come at the king, you best not miss. - Omar Little